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10 Tips for Your Baby's Emotional Development Success (Part 2 of 3)
This is the second part of a 3-part series. To read it from the beginning, click here.
- Be joyful. Joy is the other side of healthy attachment.
Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and slinging are all excellent attachment actions, but they will be nullified if you are not feeling joy while you do them. A mother in Australia became frustrated because in her words, “I did it all. I nursed till they were three. I was always home and never left them, but still they struggle.” I discussed this with her, and she revealed that she had been miserable, anxious, and depressed when the children were young. She was unhappy with the father, and she didn’t feel understood, heard, or loved. She was absent of joy. It’s imperative to find the joy in life because your energy is shared by everyone, especially your baby. If you need to see a counselor, talk to friends, engage in hobbies, or join a mothering group, do it! This time in your baby’s life is far too short for the two of you to not be “in joy” with one another. And what is joy? It’s merely an alive expression of love.
- Hold. Hold. Hold. You cannot spoil a baby.
It is physiologically impossible to spoil your child through holding. In fact, research has demonstrated time and again that babies cry and fuss less when they are held more, cuddled more, and nurtured more. Babies whose demands are met frequently and regularly by a loving, attuned caregiver also digest their food better and later demonstrate greater independence. The old wisdom of teaching children to be independent too soon through feeding themselves, going to the toilet themselves, dressing themselves, etc. has led to generations of selfish, dependent adults incapable of making decisions for themselves, much less being mindful of the needs of others. The opposite of what we have been taught is true. A child raised with the capacity to be dependent on the parent in a healthy way is the child who grows up to be more independent later in life. The only way to spoil a child occurs when they are older through material overindulgence, which often becomes a substitute for parental attention.
- There is no harm in a baby crying as long as you’re present.
Many parents become overly anxious when their baby begins to cry, feeling as if they must calm him immediately. Crying is a natural part of stress expression. It’s a signal that a need of some sort needs to be met. Typically, we become stressed by the cries of our baby because of past negative experiences when we were made to believe that our emotions weren’t okay. It’s normal for a baby to cry, but you need to be present when it happens. When you pick up your baby, there is no need to immediately place a pacifier in his mouth to quiet him. (In fact, I suggest avoiding pacifiers altogether.) Rather pick your baby up, rock him gently, and say, “Oh, my little baby is all upset about something. I wonder what it might be.” As you check the important areas: fever, hunger, diaper, need to burp, etc., keep telling your baby, “Yes, yes, let those cries out. It’s okay. Mommy (or Daddy) is here. We’ll find out what you need.” Sometimes, your baby simply needs to be picked up and engaged with you, but the point is that crying is unavoidable. The Miracle Blanket is an excellent tool for new parents to use with their babies to promote soothing. The Miracle Blanket teaches parents how to swaddle their children in a manner that soothes the child instantly because the warmth and firmness of the blanket’s special material creates a womb-like experience for the child. Truly, this should be one of the resources given to every parent upon leaving the maternity ward. Finally, it’s important to once again gauge your own internal reactions to your baby’s cries. How do you feel inside when your baby cries? In time, you will become more sensitive and attuned to what your baby needs. Then, he will cry less, but, in the meantime, when a cry arises, know that it’s going to be okay. You are a good parent. You are loving, gentle, understanding, and you can meet your baby’s every need.
This was the second part of a three part series. To continue to the third and final part, click here.
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