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10 Tips for Your Baby's Emotional Development Success (Part 1 of 3)
This is the first part of a 3-part series:
10 Tips for Your Baby’s Emotional Development Success, excerpted from Bryan Post’s e-book, Parenting Softly.
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Your baby’s brain is growing at the most rapid pace it ever will.
Science informs us that between the ages of zero and five years, your baby’s brain will more than triple in size. Dendrites are developing, synapses are connecting, and neural pathways are laid down, which will drive both the personality and formation of relationships for the rest of your child’s life. This is the most critical stage of development. John Bowlby, known as the Father of Attachment, says that the first three years of your baby’s life establish the blueprints for all future relationships. So, the next time you find yourself feeling tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, and stressed out, make this affirmation to yourself, “This is a very brief and important time in my child’s life. What I can give of myself right now that will hold a positive impression for the rest of his/her life?”
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Nothing is more important to your baby’s healthy emotional development than a present, loving, and attuned parent.
Until your baby is at least three years of age, barring no significant traumas or stressors, she will not even begin to be equipped with the capacity to calm her own stressors, such as hunger cries, nighttime cries, stranger anxiety, and the need to be close to you. You are an extension and teacher to both her brain and body system. In other words, she learns to cope with stress through you. The more calm and present you can be with her, the greater the teaching she will receive from you.
Science informs us that we are 90% water. This means that 90% of what we feel and internalize takes place on a non-verbal, unconscious level. Your anxiety, stress, and fear are automatically received by your child. So, learn to breathe. Breathing is the single proven way to calm ourselves down. Yet, the first thing we do when we feel stress is stop breathing. In the midst of your baby’s crying, practice the following: Pick up your child, sit in a comfortable chair, and close your eyes. With your eyes closed, rock her back and forth, inhale through your nose, and exhale out of your mouth in deep, rhythmic breaths. Your breathing goal is rhythm, quiet, and depth. Envision your physical energetic body wrapping
around your baby and bringing soothing to her through your body. You don’t have to talk. Just rock slowly and breathe.
- Eye contact is the single greatest way to stimulate the frontal lobe, which is the center of your baby’s social and emotional development.
Take time each day to gaze gently into your baby’s eyes. As you are doing this, remember to breathe at a steady, relaxed pace. Allow your baby to share your breath. Why? The amygdala is a small almond shaped cluster at the base of your baby’s brain, and this is where stress and fear originate. Smell is the pathway that goes directly to the amygdala. As you gently allow your baby to share your breath and study your eyes, you will connect at a very cellular level. This attachment practice greatly enhances connection, soothing, and attunement. And while gazing into your baby’s eyes, listen to your own body: Do you struggle to maintain the gaze? Are you challenged by allowing your baby to share your breath? Are you feeling uneasy about prolonged closeness?
These questions will give you insight into how you were parented in your early years. Often, it’s difficult to give what we didn’t get unless we make a conscious and mindful effort to do so.
If such anxiety and unease arises, simply acknowledge it, breathe into it, and make note of it. Once you have completed your baby time, be sure to talk to your spouse or a friend about what you experienced.
Start to process any challenges you experience regarding closeness with your baby, including eye contact, skin-to-skin contact, and your reaction to her cries. The earlier you can grasp these insights, the better off you will be with her in the future.
This is the first of a three-part series. To continue to the second part, click here.
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